The Journey Continues.......

As we prepare to move on to another phase of our Master's Degree  journey,  I want to thank you all for the thoughtful contributions you have made along the way.  Some of us will continue on through the administrator's track while others will move on to other specialty areas.  Best wishes to you all !
                     Judi

Adjourning

Saying goodbye can be difficult in many circumstances we find ourselves in both personally and professionally. I think our level of commitment to the group weighs heavily into whether we can just walk away or whether we have a difficult time.  It was extremely difficult for me to leave the mentors that I had recruited for a school-based mentoring program I coordinated a few years ago. This group of individuals from different sectors of our community made a commitment to meet with a student at risk of dropping out of school for at least one hour every week.   The individuals involved took time out of their busy work day to meet their student at school and give them the one-on-one attention many of them rarely received.  When I made a career change, telling the group I would be leaving was one of the hardest things I have ever done. This group had become more than people I recruited to mentor at –risk children, they had become my friends as well. I had serious concerns about what would happen to the program after I left the agency which made saying good bye even more difficult.  Sadly, because of the time of year I left the program, I wasn’t able to plan a closing event. It is something I regret even now, five years later. 

                 Over the past months as I have worked on my master’s, I have had regular online contact with my classmates through our discussions and blogs.  The relationship is certainly different than a face to face relationship which in my opinion, makes adjourning from the group different.   The personal connection is lacking so saying goodbye for me will probably a closing blog entry to my classmates.

                Adjourning is important as a team completes their task because it provides everyone with the opportunity to feel a sense of accomplishment and freedom to move to new things.  I think as part of adjourning, the team has the opportunity to acknowledge each other for the work they completed. As I think about my experience with leaving the mentoring program, I realize now that formally adjourning from the group would have actually made it easier for me to move on, a lesson learned.

               

Using My New Conflict Resolution Skills

This assignment came at a perfect time!  For the past two weeks I have been dealing with a conflict at work that involved me, three of my staff, my supervisor and the director of our department.    Here are the details to set the scene- every year staff and I attend the Early Childhood Summit for three days in October.  It is a wonderful event that provides many workshops, experts in the field as key note speakers, state and federal updates on funding and a good opportunity for networking with other early childhood professionals.  It is something I include each year as I prepare the train and technical assistance budget for the program.  Past practice has always been that each person attending has their own room at the host hotel.  We all registered and reserved our rooms as we have done in the past.  About two weeks after this was completed, my supervisor emailed me requesting that I discuss sharing rooms with the staff going this year since the organization itself is tightening spending.   I explained to her that the money is already in place in our program budget so it was not a hardship for us.  I also reminded her that if the money was not spent out, it would need to be returned to the funder and could affect the amount of the allocation for the next program year.   Her response was that was still the present expectation of the organization that people share rooms when going to conferences.  I found myself in a true conflict both personally and professionally.  I knew I had no intention of sharing my room and as I discussed it with the other staff attending, each had legitimate reasons for not feeling comfortable sharing a room.  Everyone also said, had they known before-hand that would be the expectation; they would have declined the invitation to attend.  I have struggled with this for the past two weeks!  As I read the materials for this week, I found myself thinking about ways to incorporate these techniques into my situation.  First, I met with the staff involved to give them the opportunity to share their feelings relating to this request.  I then presented their concerns to my supervisor and the director and proposed a compromise.   I suggested the possibility of finding other accommodations in an all-suite hotel.  If I could find something that was less than the cost of separate rooms, I would propose that to my staff.  They both found that to be reasonable possible solution but the director said that going forward, sharing rooms would be expected but if there are no accommodations that would work, she would allow everyone to keep the arrangement they already made.  I was grateful for the internet! It made my research fairly easy and didn’t take too much time in my already very busy day.   As it turned out, the options were very limited and the only accommodation I found that was less expensive had a suite with only a partially divided room and still only one bathroom.   I met with my staff again, and shared what I found.  They did not feel those accommodations would be any better than just sharing a room.  I  reported back to my supervisor  the outcome of my meeting with my staff and she agreed, I had done as much as I could to attempt to comply with the new way of thinking  and that arrangements already made should stand.

                Reflecting back on the conversations with my staff and with my supervisor and the director, I can now see how different strategies affect the outcome when there is conflict.  My staff actually shared that they felt respected by the way I handled this and really appreciated it. I can’t say I felt the same way in terms of how I was treated by my supervisor and director.  The tone of my meeting with them was authoritative and uncomfortable for me.  In the end, there is a positive outcome and we will all be able to attend Summit.  I was grateful for the new skills I had just learned related to conflict resolution.  How timely this assignment was!

Who Am I as a Communicator

     The three  tests we used for this assignment provided an interesting assessment of my communication skills. As I compared how I scored myself with the scores provided by my co-worker , Nanette and my long-time friend, Pat, I noticed some similarities.   I was surprised by the difference in the communication Aniexty Inventory.  While I consider myself a competent communicator and felt my score reflected that, both Nanette and Pat scored me considerably higher. I must admit, this bolstered my confidence.
      I also discovered just how much my personal schema impacts on my first impression of people I interact with. When I reviewed my classmates answers, I realized that we all probably based the answers on a personal frame of reference.  I think it would be difficult not to . Having that awareness now, I intend to before conscious of this as I make new aquaintences.
     Another insight I gained this week was related to the Listening Skills Profile.  My score as well as the scores Nanette and Pat provided, put me in Group 1. I wasn't  surprised by the style being people oriented. Every position I have ever held in the work world has involved interacting with people. The description pointed out that people scoring in this group are empathetic which is a positive quality when interacting with others.  It also stated that there are some negative implications as well which I had never thought about.  Sometimes being too empathetic causes one 
 to be more trusting of others which can create problems in communication and relationships. As I thought about this more, I understood the connection.  I see being people oriented as a benefit both personally and professionally. This assignment helped me come to understand the importance of  keeping a balance between being empathetic and at the same time maintaining a realistic perception of how other people are feeling as we communicate with them.

Strategies for Communicating More Effectively

I find myself communicating with the staff I oversee differently than I do with other colleagues.  We have different personal backgrounds, different levels of education and different work ethic in some cases.  Sometimes this becomes problematic and I almost set myself up for issues by not taking the time to adjust for these differences.  I have found myself misreading their nonverbal cues and even failed to consider our cultural differences at times.  The three techniques that especially stood out for me this week that may help me remedy this problem are self-monitoring my environment and the others in it for signals that will help me determine how to present myself (O’Hair & Wiemann, 2012), becoming more aware of nonverbal behaviors of the group and improve my ability to pick up on the silent messages (Gonzalez-Mena, 2010) and applying the Platinum Rule by putting myself into the other person’s frame of reference. I hope to improve the communication with my staff and in doing so, have more productive and positive interactions with them.   I think incorporating these things into my interactions with the staff will produce a more positive climate for everyone. I find myself thinking about the quote “In each head there is a world” (Gonzalez-Mena, 2011) and knowing that there is so much truth in just those few words. By adopting that mindset when I communicate with others will help me become a more competent communicator.

 

References

Beebe, S.A., Beebe, S.J. & Redmond, M., (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others  

                (6^th Ed.). Boston, M: Allyn & Bacon

Gonzalez-Mena, J., (2010). 50 strategies for communicating and working with diverse families.  Upper  Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.

O’Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012) Real communication. New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s.

 

Words Really Do Tell the Story!

This assignment was interesting!  I chose a new television show called “The New Normal”. The show aired on NBC on Tuesday evening.  The characters were two men in their 30’s- Bryan and David, a woman who appears to be a little younger- Goldie, her daughter about 10 years old- Shania and another woman in her 50’s who is not named.        (The ages are estimated!) As I watched it without the sound, it seemed to be a first meeting between the 2 men.  It took place in a night club of some sort.  Initially it seemed like two guys becoming friends.  As the storyline continued it became obvious that they were gay and they were actually flashing back to how they met.  The younger woman at first seemed like she was in a romantic relationship with David. They all seemed to be avoiding the grandmother. The plot seemed to be centered on Goldie and Shania moving into a new house.  Shania seemed dressed oddly for a child her age and had some difficulties when she started a new school. The show ended with David answering the telephone and making an announcement to Bryan and Goldie.  Throughout the show, there seemed to be an obvious friendship between Bryan, David and Goldie.  Bryan had numerous conversations with Shania.  The grandmother seemed to be plotting something.

                When I watched it with the sound, the story was somewhat different!  Bryan and David were in a stable, romantic relationship and had decided they wanted a family. Both were successful in their fields and well off financially.  Goldie had just ended her marriage and was struggling to make ends meet financially and had hopes of going to law school.  Bryan and David meet with Goldie to discuss her becoming a surrogate mother for David and Bryan.  The grandmother it turns out is very bigoted against gays and is appalled that Goldie would even consider this.   Bryan and Shania share a lot of things as he tells her what growing up was like for him because he knew he was different at an early age.  They had a special friendship by the end of the show.  The telephone call at the end of the show was in fact the call from the Doctor’s office announcing a positive pregnancy test.

                I totally missed the part of the plot concerning Goldie becoming the surrogate without the conversation.  Initially, I assumed that Bryan and David were straight.  With the sound on, it was obvious from the very beginning that they were gay.  Their character traits were stereotypical for gay men. The grandmother’s part in the story was not at all evident without the sound because the nonverbal signals made it seem that she was friendly to everyone.  It was the commentary made in her “thoughts” in her head that helped me understand how she felt about gays and their becoming parents.

                Had I been watching a show I was familiar with, I would have had some previous knowledge of the relationships among the characters.  Since it was a brand new show, I had no prior knowledge of the relationships or the plot. This made the exercise really interesting and fun. The assignment helped me understand more clearly that communication is not always straight forward and things are not always what they seem to be making it important to always be open to all that is going on when communicating with others including the context in which the interaction occurs.

Competent Communication

When I think of an effective communicator one person immediately comes to mind.  I think of Rita.  She is a friend and colleague who spent many years working as a psychiatric nurse.  She used her many experiences to build a repertoire of workshops on the topic of social and emotional wellness.  Rita has a wonderful sense of humor that she incorporates into her presentations.  She is also a master at providing examples that are easy to relate too.  I have heard her speak many times over the years and I always find myself think “I know just what you mean” as she points out circumstances that have been stressful.  Her demeanor is warm and caring.  Even when she addresses a large group, she has a way of making you feel like she is talking directly to you.   Rita presented a workshop to my staff of teachers and family advocates last Spring that was a wrap up for our program year. Throughout the year, our professional development theme was related to social and emotional wellness for children and those that work with them. Rita has the ability to communicate on a level that was meaningful to my staff and make it relevant to the work they do which made the workshop very beneficial on a professional and personal level for everyone.  I use Rita as a model for communicating with people both personally and professionally by incorporating a little bit of humor and also keeping it real.